The snow that has been dumped on the city is finally thawing, and it's seriously a magical event to witness. The immaculate drifts of fluffy white snow have now transformed into delicious brownish chunks of ice laced with black grit. Even more beautiful are the unique, fragile little treasures that have recently emerged from their icy cocoons and blossomed into the warm sun.
Obviously, I could only be talking about one thing: poop.
Wait - what?
Yes, you heard right, folks. The melting snow has revealed literal mountains of shit that line the sidewalks of New York City. Ah, nature. Just breeeeathe it in.
"But Gretchen," you ask with childlike wonder, "Where does said poop come from? Is there a magical turd creature that delivers cattle cookies to my doorstep?"
Alas the day, there is no such creature ("Mom! Look what the fecal fairy left under my pillow last night!"). There are, however, thousands of dog-owning ass monsters who think it's perfectly fine to bury Princess's chocolate chalupas in the snow instead of picking them up like a decent human being, because no one will notice a few doggie logs hidden under all that snow, right?
WRONG.
Let this post serve as a public service announcement. The next time you take your dog out to release some butt goblins, bring a plastic bag...
...or you just might find a special gift stuffed in your mailbox, care of a renegade fecal fairy.
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1 comment:
The joys of living in Berkeley... here we just get to see the poo turn into desiccated little logs. It really annoys me when people do this because then I get the evil eye when I walk down the street with my dog and all I want to say is: "Hey, I find those people to be inconsiderate jerks as well!" (I even occasionally pick up their dogs poo to make the rest of us look better.) But let me reiterate, the joys of living in Berkeley...
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