Item of the Day: When to Sing About Sodomy

I need to say this up front: I pretty much hate musicals.

The musical-obsessed people in the theater world (or "theatre," if you're feeling particularly pompous) view this as a betrayal, because how could you NOT LOVE SONDHEIM THE MAN IS A GENIUS. Other buttwads wearing lots of eyeliner are all like, "Well, AHBviously. Musicals don't have any DEPTH. Straight plays are the only REAL theatre." And then they blow their clove cigarette smoke in your face and proceed to use big words that they don't actually understand.

So, I generally tend to agree with the latter assfaces, but I have a soft spot for Hair. So much so that I decided to work on it this semester. Yeah, um, we're doing it at a high school.

For those of you who aren't aware of the themes and language of Hair, let me break it down for you: 1. Sex, 2. Drugs, and 3. A lot of the "F" word used in both of those contexts (NOT "flatulence," guys - the other "f" word. No, not "friendship" or "flowers." You know, just - just shut up and let me continue, okay?).

In other words, it's *definitely* appropriate for high school performers and their younger siblings.

There also happens to be a song called "Sodomy," which we have no intention of cutting from the show. Here are the lyrics!

Sodomy, fellatio, cunnilingus, pederasty

Father, why do these words sound so nasty?
Masturbation can be fun
Join the holy orgy kama sutra ev'ryone!

I have two stories about this song.

Story the first: the reason I love Hair so much is because, when I was a kid of, say, 7 or 8 years old, my lovely mother - a then recently yuppie-ized former hippie - would play the soundtrack over and over, and we would dance to it and sing along, without abandon, in the living room.

Guys. I clearly had no idea what any of those words meant. Can you imagine my surprise and confusion when, years later, I came to the realization that I had been singing about butt sex? Like, for years? Without knowing it?? And that, because I tended to get songs stuck in my head and sing them, loudly, at random moments (for example: the grocery store), I had probably done it in front of other adults, who were equally as confused and horrified ("Why is that child singing about sodomy while picking out cucumbers")???

Second story: One of the kids that is currently cast in the musical decided to sing this song for his audition, which was fine, because it showed off his voice and he really wanted the role. The only problem was that prior to his audition, he practiced it in public, in front of his friends.

His venue of choice? His church. After mass. And the priest overheard.

I don't need to point out the irony here, so I won't. What I WILL say is that it almost cost him the role, because his priest told his highly Christian parents about what he had heard. His parents, in turn, flipped out and told him he couldn't be a part of the show. Only after receiving reassuring phone calls from us did they actually allow him to join the cast.

Actually, I should probably go check up on that. I sense several lawsuits coming our way, folks!