Item of the Day: Inspirational Messages for those...Sensitive Times

**WARNING**

The following post contains:

• Bold language about feminine times

Your masculinity might be compromised. Proceed at your own discretion.

***

Sometimes, I get my favorite monthly friend (you know...riding the crimson wave, a visit from Aunt Flo, on the rag, Mother Nature's gift, other stupid euphemisms) suddenly and at work. Subsequently, there is no time to run out of the school to acquire products that would prevent me from becoming a walking biohazard.

After three years, I am just starting to wise up to this. I went to CVS a few days ago before school, and I bought the smallest box of tampons that I could discretely hide in my closet. I would be remiss if I didn't mention the brand, so that you can check them out for yourself: Tampax Sport.

Okay, so I was "harpooning" (side note - and this should really be a post in and of itself: back in the 90's, the (now obsolete?) teen magazine YM released an article that revealed some catchy "slang" for inserting a tampon, I suppose because no teenage girl wants Quarterback Bob to catch her saying, "I need to insert a tampon." Anyway, I kind of always liked "harpooning," because it sounds so XTREME), and I noticed some writing on the external packaging of the tampon. On the left side, it read, "What's your game plan?" And on the right side, it said, "Make it happen!"

Guys. Inspirational sports messages - for your cooter - during tough times.

WTF.

And they are all different! Here are some prime examples from my box (get it? My box?? More vaginal euphemisms, people. They are everywhere!):

• Control and Power to perform at your best.
• Focus on the positive.
• VICTORY!
• Get your head in the game!
• Go Team!

Today, my feminine product told me, "You're a take-charge kind of girl!" And I was all like, YES I AM!

What has your tampon done for YOU today?